I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
