You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
