I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
