"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
