so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize