I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
