My first STD was from a foam party
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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