i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
