I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
