Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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