Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
