Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
