So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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