he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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