just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
