if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
