Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Congratulations! We have a period
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
