tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
