The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
