no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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