You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
