i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
