how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
