Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
