he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just blew my weed a kiss
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
