.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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