First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
