addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize