fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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