I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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