tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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