The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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