The maid of honor just puked.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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