I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Your penis caused this!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize