She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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