I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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