I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
