I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Threesome in a minivan. New low
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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