Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
