Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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