About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When did angry sex become our thing?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
