This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
