I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
home. puking in laundry basket.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
