And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
try to milk me bitch
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
