But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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