I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
