hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
