The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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