oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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