Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
