I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
