she was so not down for the gang bang
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
