She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
