Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
