I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize