What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
