It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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