did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
