what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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