I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
