hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
