You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
