I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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