so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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