Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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