We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
honey bunches of taint.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
