She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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