i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
