wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
