My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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