her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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