Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We smell like vodka and hangover
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