The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
