i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
