The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
