I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
