why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
