I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
