Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude

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(831): View more from California

So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...

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(828): View more from North Carolina

If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave

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(813): View more from Florida

Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism

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(786): View more from Florida

I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn

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