Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
