hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
