I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
